This Idol of Mine

I'm having a blue day... I talked to my mother-in-law who is outside with all my nephews and niece.  I want to be playing there too.  Their yard is so magical.  The kids are so magical.  And I'm lonesome for my husband.  See, I just started crying.  Our time together is so quick, and on Tuesdays it's even quicker.  So Wednesdays seem just a little bit lonelier.

So, when the cafeteria offers big, soft, home-made peanut-butter cookies (which just happen to be my favorite), I want them.  I deserve them for having to work today.  I need a little treat. 

But, I didn't take them. 

And now I'm giving myself a Pat On The Back.

But I'm still thinking about them.

And the world will say that I made a step in the right direction.  But, I want more.  I don't want to be thinking about them at all.

A couple of weeks ago I got really serious.  I want to be serious.  Counting calories on Live Strong.  Going to Jazzersize a lot.  A lot.  Only having one little cup of caffeine. 

And so, I am getting some gold stars.  My scale is happier.  My clothes are happier.  My restless legs are happier.  I'm not sure if my energy level is happier... but I have faith that it will be one day.

But, my heart isn't changing.  I'm grumpy that I am giving up yummy things.  I obsess over every calorie.  I take more joy in Jazzersize than I do in sitting down with the Word.  I judge the people who are pouring dressing over their salads.  I think constantly about what kind of meal I can make for under 200 calories.  I measure whatever sits before me in how much time Jazzersizing will it take me to burn this.

And this isn't healthy.  It's not heart healthy.

So, pray for me please.  Oh - skip the praying about my weight or eating habits.  Pray that God, Himself, will be my reward.  Pray that my delight in Him will overwhelm my mind so that thinking about calories will seem a waste of time.  Pray that my energy to love the people around me comes out of a thankful heart that God has been so gracious to me.  Pray that I will not replace the idol of Food with the idol of Health.  Pray that God will be my only God.